There And Gone Again

Episode Report Card
M. Giant: D+ | Grade It Now!
In The Wind

Maggie arrives at some niece's extravagantly decorated party (which she probably paid for), loaded down with a stack of presents that she can barely see over. Anyway Maggie's sister mock-severely says, "You're spoiling my kids. Spoil someone your own age. Like me." She starts leading Maggie around and introducing her to people, without even letting her put down the mountain of gifts somewhere. "And," MaggieSis adds, "I've invited a special guest just for you." And about nine guys come pouring out of her back door and start swarming around the snack table next to it, like the kitchen is a damn clown car or something. Maggie protests that she doesn't want some guy who picked her out of the paper, but her sister assures her that "it was your photo that sold it, not the money." "Oh, great," Maggie says. "So you're saying they're shallow, not greedy." Insisting that one of the guys could be great (which is true, if only because of the law of averages), her sister steers Maggie over to the herd. Which, since she's still loaded down with gifts, Maggie isn't in a position to resist. At least she won't have to shake anyone's hand.

Frankie and Damien are done skating, and now they're just lying flat on their backs on the floor, gazing up at the stars from the spinning disco ball. That's not something they normally let you do, so I can now totally understand why Damien dropped "three bills" on this once-in-a-lifetime experience. Frankie's psychoanalyzing Damien, which seems to be going well (not that it's hard), until she observes that since he became a millionaire, all he did was move into a hotel half a mile from his house. Awkwardness ensues, and Frankie tries desperately to backpedal without actually tripping over her own skates. Fortunately, she's saved when her cell phone rings with a text message from her mom, which reads, in its entirety, as follows: ":-( :-( :-( :-( :-( ". Amazing how this show keeps coming up with so many fresh new reasons for me to hate its characters. Anyway, Frankie has to go, even though Damien doesn't want her to. "At least she's actually home to notice I'm not," Frankie bright-sides. She kisses Damien on the cheek, then gets up and skates off. Is Damien driving her home, or is she going to skate the whole way?

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