An Ode to the Bachelorette

by Angel Cohn July 7, 2008 4:02 pm
An Ode to the Bachelorette

by Angel Cohn, a terrible poet, who doesn't watch The Bachelorette but has been forced to edit the weecaps all season.

DeAnna dear, it's time to choose,
Which bachelor will be denied,
Between these two beaus you just can't lose,
Though for us at home, this season has been refried.
Even though you've kissed and more
And come across like a whore
These last two months have been quite a bore.

Who Should Be the Next Bachelor?

by Angel Cohn July 23, 2012 12:40 pm
Who Should Be the Next <i>Bachelor</i>?

Given how dull Emily Maynard's season of The Bachelorette has been (aside from the drama with Kalon), rumors that Ali Fedotowsky's ex Roberto Martinez may be in the running to be the next Bachelor don't instill us with a lot of hope. He's a nice guy, but dull as dirt. So now that Emily has ditched most of her suitors and found one she can tolerate (for now), we took a look back at her men (and a few from seasons before) to find a better choice of leading man. And yes, some of them may currently have girlfriends, but given the average life expectancy of a Bachelor relationship, we don't foresee that being a problem.

<I>Bachelor Pad</I>: Our Hearts Really Don’t Need to Be Guarded and Protected

The season premiere of Bachelor Pad revolved less around the house's potential hookups and mostly around the love/hate triangle of Jake, Vienna and Kasey. Is this going to be how the entire summer plays out? If so, I'm dreading it. I was actually hoping that Kasey would be eliminated and that Rated R would stick around. Yes, Rated R was the wrestler jerk who was dating multiple girls and got chased around bushes by Ali on The Bachelorette, but he was pretty amusing last night as he introduced himself to his partner while they were tangled up together, and when he compared Kasey and Vienna's relationship to Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy and even when he grabbed the rose off of Jake's chest on his way out the door.

TWoP 10: Ways to Fix The Bachelorette

by Angel Cohn July 8, 2011 6:01 am
TWoP 10: Ways to Fix <I>The Bachelorette</I>

We're currently suffering through the most boring season of The Bachelorette to date, and that's even taking into consideration the fact that Bentley was a brutally honest douchebag and that there was a guy wearing a mask for several episodes. And now we hear rumors that Emily might be the star of the show's next season. Really? Is that because her dates with Brad were just so riveting? The only one excited about this news is probably Bentley, who is likely chomping at the bit to humiliate yet another woman. So while it seems like another dull season is on the horizon, we've got some suggestions (i.e. wishful thinking) for how The Bachelorette could actually improve if it wanted to.

TWoP 10: Ways To Fix The Bachelorette

by Angel Cohn July 31, 2009 6:00 am
TWoP 10: Ways To Fix <i>The Bachelorette</I>

The Bachelorette has steadily become more and more excruciatingly painful to watch each and every season. There's so much filler now, and the show is totally irrelevant as the majority of couples usually break up as quickly as they get together. Plus, every episode is "very special" or "shocking" when it really isn't at all. They spoiled Reid's surprise return in the previews the week before. And did anyone actually really think that Jillian would pick Kiptyn when she couldn't shut the hell up about Ed after he came back? It's not just Jillian's fault that this particular season was so terrible -- the entire show needs a major overhaul (and so does The Bachelor, but one thing at a time), and here are some ideas for improving it.

Ready for Love: Zero Dollar Matchmaker

by Rachel Stein April 10, 2013 10:01 am
<i>Ready for Love</i>: Zero Dollar Matchmaker

It's obvious what Eva Longoria and NBC were trying to do with Ready for Love: Cash in quite belatedly on the fame of The Bachelor using the "science" and snark of Millionaire Matchmaker. Unfortunately, this show is so poorly edited, egregiously sexist and clearly low-budget, it's much closer to The Choice meets Fashion Star and has all of the authenticity of Burning Love. Rather than validate Ready for Love by giving it a straight-up review, I'll instead list the very worst things about the show.

TWoP 10: Guiltiest Summer TV Pleasures of 2010

by Angel Cohn July 2, 2010 6:16 am
TWoP 10: Guiltiest Summer TV Pleasures of 2010

It's summertime, so we've happily lowered our standards in regard to what we'll watch on television. But there is low and then there are shows that we're more than a little bit ashamed to admit that we not only watch... but actually enjoy. On occasion we discover shows like Pretty Little Liars, which we think we're going to have to DVR in secret but that then turn out to be genuinely well done. Or shows like True Blood, which is basically sexy vampire porn, but are OK because all our friends watch, too. But the rest of them... well, they wind up on our don't ask, don't tell list. But if you watched them as well, we'd feel a whole lot better about it. Here's our top (or bottom) ten:

TWoP 10: Summer's Guiltiest Pleasures (So Far)

by TWoP Staff June 5, 2009 6:00 am
TWoP 10: Summer's Guiltiest Pleasures (So Far)

For years we've been conditioned to lower our TV expectations during the warmer months, seeking out shows that we would never allow to clutter our overstuffed DVRs at any other time of year. But even though it's only early June, there's already an unusually high amount of truly addictive television - shows that we should be ashamed to watch, but aren't. Here's our top ten favorite guilty viewing pleasures of the summer so far.

The Most Heinous Person on Reality TV This Week

by Angel Cohn August 2, 2013 2:03 pm
The Most Heinous Person on Reality TV This Week

We're hard-pressed to decide if the most annoying habit on reality TV right now is Frederik (Million Dollar Listing) doing high kicks when he makes a deal, or Bear Grylls (Get Out Alive) stalking people with binoculars and then telling them they need to be better about eating maggots. Either way, they both drive us crazy but neither of them are as horrible as these people.

The Most Heinous Person on Reality TV This Week

by Angel Cohn July 5, 2013 9:47 am
The Most Heinous Person on Reality TV This Week

In the biggest reality surprise of the week, Brian (from The American Baking Competition) did a complete 180. The guy who had been cocky, off-putting and pretty rude the entire time decided to be a human being and actually help the adorable James with a challenge. It didn't save poor James, but it did dramatically change our opinion of Brian.

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