Had ABC's new comedy pilot The Neighbors been really interesting, sweet, funny or even cute, I'd start comparing it to, say, 3rd Rock from the Sun, ALF, Aliens in the Family (other people watched that show, right?) or any of the many other network sitcoms about extraterrestrial beings hanging around Earth, but instead... it was mostly just kind of boring.

Hannibal Lecter prepares for his stint on Top Cannibal Chef.

Girls! Girls! Girls!

Next season: Who killed the people behind The Killing?

As if New Jersey didn't have enough drama already -- actually, this is awesome news.

Look what ol' Sandy dragged in.

We're still trying to figure out what ABC's execs were talking about at their upfront presentation when they claimed they were the "number one must-keep" network, but at least they had something resembling a sense of humor about their shows, talking about while their Bachelors may not stay engaged, their viewers are. And then, as usual, they unleashed Jimmy Kimmel, whose show has been on the air for ten years, which is about nine longer than I predicted way back when. He joked to the ad buyers in the crowd that "We don't know what we are doing. We have no idea what people want to see. If we did, we wouldn't have an upfront; we'd just put the shows on the air and you'd just mail us a check." Then he added, "That show Work It... you know we were just kidding about that, right?" Of course, he had to rip on the other networks as well. On NBC: "Spinning chairs and a monkey. This truly is a golden age of television." On Fox's X Factor: "No one knows talent like Britney Spears and Demi Lovato. Britney Spears wanted to be a judge since she's spent the last ten years appearing before them." On CBS: "For the 18-to-49-trips-to-the-bathroom demographic." On The CW's new musical chairs show: "Oh Sit! It used to be called Steaming Pile o' Sit, but they shortened it." Still, his best joke was also at The X Factor and Idol's expense: "I feel bad for Paula Abdul. She's the Rosa Parks of bipolar talent show judges. No one was more dedicated or more medicated." It's a good thing that Kimmel was funny, because none of ABC's new comedies looked amusing at all.