I'm going to be honest here: I spent most of the first episode of this show transfixed by Heidi Montag's boobs in her pink shirt. Not in a pervy way, but because I was trying to figure out if she was wearing a strangely textured bra, was sitting at an odd angle or if her nipples actually point in two separate directions. When that is the most fascinating part of a series that has some of reality's most biggest nightmares, it's probably a bad omen.