The Telefile

Antonio Sabato, Jr. Turns to VH1 for Love

by Mindy Monez September 11, 2008 1:26 pm
Antonio Sabato, Jr. Turns to VH1 for Love From the makers of Paris Hilton's New BFF, VH1 brings you... an untitled matchmaking show starring Antonio Sabato, Jr. looking for love! The "Fantasy Man" (VH1's words, not mine) isn't looking for much; he just wants a woman who can skydive in an evening gown or re-create steamy love scenes in a soap opera fashion. Which isn't too much to ask, really, it's just terribly specific. I can totally see why he's had so much trouble finding this in the private sector. The show will be filmed like a soap opera, (somehow), with all of the challenges (including the two listed above), based entirely on soap opera conventions. Why all the soaps mania on this show? Because Antonio Sabato, Jr. used to be on General Hospital, that's why. Now, I hate these shows as much as the next person, but that premise is hysterical. What if all actors based their relationship expectations on their previous roles? I'd sure pity the poor bastard who tries to date Rutger Hauer. Which means only one thing -- it's totally time for more TWoP casting suggestions!

Based on their body of work, who else might make an entertaining matchmaking subject? And yes, some of these people are currently married or in relationships, but, much like VH1 matchmaking shows, this is pretend. Let the VH1 fantasy Yenta business begin!

The Aformentioned Rutger Hauer
Do you like to be tortured? How about just terrorized? Are you in need of a valuable lesson against picking up hitchhikers? It'd be like Saw: The PSA, but with a People magazine cover at the end!

Joan Collins
She'll pull your wig off and throw you down the spiral staircase! He who survives wins the privilege of showering Joan Collins in diamonds and vintage Bill Blass until she tires of him!

Wilford Brimley
This teddy bear of a guy is a looking for a kind lady who can accurately pronounce "Diabeetus" whilst perched atop an Appaloosa, and still find time in the day to hide the Cocoons. Early alien possession detection and prevention also a plus.

Glenn Close
It's probably best if we bus these guys in from the State Pen. Challenges will include: Over-acting, intimidation (easy for inmates!), losing Oscars to Jodie Foster in the late 80s that you very much deserved instead, and pitying men. Each episode will conclude with the dramatic Big Chill Soundtrack Ceremony, where those asked to stay on until next week are given a copy of The Big Chill soundtrack. The unlucky gent eliminated gets sent back to the State Pen., where he will likely be pretty unpopular.

Tim Gunn
No joke here, really. This summation of all things good, tasteful and adorable hasn't had a relationship in something like 20 years, and I'd really appreciate it if someone would mend his broken heart already.

And we already know how I feel about the idea of Anne Heche finding love on television.




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