The Telefile
What's That, Emmys? You're Having Josh Groban Cover The Rembrandts? So here's something we're going to have to sit through on the night of September 21st. It's been announced that Josh Groban will perform a sizeable medley of classic TV themes on this year's Primetime Emmy broadcast. I can't think of too many TV themes that really lend themselves to classical voice, so this is easily my early prediction of the night's most horrifying moment. It's going to be like when the AMDA kids show up to karaoke bars in Manhattan and belt out "You Raise Me Up" with zero irony. For all you non-New Yorkers, just think of that community theater girl you know who always massacres "Come on Eileen" by refusing to move out of her head voice when you play SingStar -- it's like that. All of the above is so annoying it actually makes me yearn for the grizzled crooning of Michael McDonald. I mean, jesus, Clay Aiken would be less inappropriate than this. Though I guess I never thought the Primetime Emmys could actually make me yearn for Michael McDonald or Clay Aiken so, well-played, Groban.

Which songs will he be torturing regaling us with? Apparently The Brady Bunch, Friends and The Simpsons themes have all made the cut -- all songs that would be fine if someone with a more appropriate vocal style were singing them, but we're stuck with Groban. Actually, the theme for The Simpsons has no lyrics, only the words "The Simpsons" briefly sung by heavenly angels at the beginning, so I stand corrected; he's probably a pretty good fit for that particular one.

The rest of the selections are being kept secret until game day, so we're all left to speculate on which songs he'll do. Considering he's the whitest person who ever lived, will he dare to do an operatic version of The Jeffersons theme? That seems... like a pretty bad idea, but can you really have a TV theme songs tribute without it? (On a sidenote, I now choose to believe the Sanford and Son theme has no lyrics because they totally saw this coming.) Will he go country with Green Acres? Rock out to the A-Team theme? Can he play the harmonica, because I really like the Roseanne theme (but he better laugh like a maniac at the end!). The Flintstones theme might be OK Groban-ified, I guess? All I know is I need his falsetto to tackle the lofty soprano heights of the original Star Trek theme. But, given the choice, I'd still rather see Clay Aiken try to do it, which is saying something.




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The Telefile

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