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She Cannae Take Any More, Cap'n!

by Zach Oat July 8, 2008 11:18 am
She Cannae Take Any More, Cap'n!

Visitors to the Sol system's "City of Sin," Las Vegas, will have one less place to spend their hard-won gold-pressed latinum come this fall. The Star Trek Experience, a theme restaurant, museum and tourist attraction located in the Las Vegas Hilton dedicated to all things Star Trek, will close its doors on September 1, after 10 years of waiters in Klingon costumes. First the new Star Trek movie gets delayed, and now this? What kind of God would allow something like this to happen? Also, what does God need with a starship?

Now, there's a chance that the attraction may not go away -- after all, Star Trek fans are a notoriously organized bunch, although not as organized as Star Wars fans, who have army units and even churches. But if it does go away, we can think of several TV properties that deserve theme restaurants much more than Star Trek, which hasn't had a new show on the air in over three years. Here are a few of them:

Battlestar Galactica - Metallic walls? Perfect! You don't even need to redecorate the place to make the changeover to today's hottest sci-fi show! Galactica is arguably the new Star Trek (which is kind of funny, considering it was seen as a Star Wars knockoff back in the day), and should have fandom going nuts for years to come. Buy a Colonial Viper and invest in enough flight suits, sexy red dresses and suits of Cylon armor and you've got a surefire money-maker.

24 - What better way to enjoy your meal than in the hustle and bustle of the CTU offices? Sit down at a workstation and type in your order, then watch the clock tick down the three minutes until your meal is ready. Then a Jack Bauer impersonator slides down a rope with your food! Also, every hour on the hour, there's either a political assassination or a Kim Bauer look-alike gets caught in a snare.

Project Runway - After you've placed your order with one of the restaurant's waifish model waitresses, follow her to the kitchen where in-house chef-designers create an edible outfit for her made entirely out of your meal. Then join Michael Kors at your table to critique the outfit...and the food!

Lost - Welcome to "The Hatch," where the lush jungle setting creates the atmosphere, and the constant whispers of the others lull you into a state of relaxation. (Or tension. Either/or.) Type your entry into the computer, and if it's not delivered by a bearded Other within a certain period of time, the doors will slam shut and the black lights will come on, revealing how the series will end. Then Michael comes in and shoots your waiter.

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