The Telefile
<i>Lost</i> Finale: The Five Parts That Sucked

Okay, so last night's Lost season finale -- the last episode before the big endgame starts in 2010 -- was pretty crazy. Jacob showed up, as did Bernard and Rose... even Vincent the dog! But it had a lot of stuff going on, and not all of it was good. In fact, some of it was annoying as hell, so we thought we'd run down the five things that annoyed us the most. Obviously, this is going to be a very spoilery discussion, so if you haven't seen the episode yet, by all means do not read any further, unless you're looking for a reason to be angry with us.

The Nikki and Paolo-ization of Jacob
Inserting Jacob into the past lives of all of the main castaways -- giving young Sawyer a pen to write his letter, sending Hurley to catch Ajira 316 -- smacks of desperation, since that's exactly what they did with Nikki and Paolo, the universally reviled Season 3 hangers-on. Then, it was done to let us know how important (or, rather, unimportant) the pair were before they unceremoniously killed them off, but in this case, we already know how important Jacob is. Showing him giving Jack a candy bar or helping Kate steal a NKOTB lunchbox makes him seem less important -- doesn't he have more crucial, island-related things to do? Were we supposed to think that those two little acts somehow helped Jack and Kate get where they were going? Whatever.

Juliet Changes Her Mind
Let us get this straight -- Sawyer and Juliet were all set to leave the island on the sub, but when Kate told them about the bomb Jack was going to set off, Juliet was suddenly gung-ho to get back there and rescue everyone. Then, after convincing Sawyer to go all the way back to the Swan and stop Jack -- which Sawyer interpreted as meaning "with brute force" -- Juliet immediately stopped him, telling him she "changed her mind." Well, that's just great. And what, pray tell, made her do that? Apparently, she saw how Sawyer looked at Kate, which is how he always looks at Kate. If you want to keep him from looking at her like that, Juliet, there are better ways to do that than by putting him back on a small island with her and blowing them all to smithereens.

Call Him "Doc Holliday"
Now, we know that Kate and Sawyer have fired guns before, and that Juliet was frequently pointing rifles at people, but when did Jack turn into Chow-Yun Fat in Hard Boiled? Sayid takes one to the gut and suddenly Jack's picking off Dharma bums left and right, then again when he storms the Swan? Sure, Jack got to know his way around a handgun in his first stay on the island, but only Imperial Stormtroopers are this precise.

Attack of the Metal Things
When the energy pocket is breached, and all of that magnetism gets out, metal stuff starts getting pulled in from all over, but most of it seems to have a grudge against somebody. Mr. Toolbox brains Jack in the head. Mr. Rebar gets his revenge on Phil's torso. And Mr. Chain wraps himself tight around Juliet's legs and drags her down the hole. Look, these people are doing a fine job killing themselves -- they don't need the help of inanimate objects.

Fade to White
So Juliet is at the bottom of the big hole, she hits the bomb with a rock and... whiteout! ...That's it? No flash to what the future holds? Not even a hint? The last few season finales have shown us at least the tip of the following season's iceberg, but this was more like Season 1's final episode, when they finally got the hatch open and... looked down into the darkness for a very long time. No clues, no hints. Nothing. We aren't asking for a lot, Show. Just show us Juliet living her life in 2009 Miami, and maybe have Daniel Faraday turn up on her doorstep or something. You know, just a tidbit to get us speculating for the next nine months. Bastards.

What did you like/not like about last night's episode? C'mon, you know you had issues.




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