The Telefile

Girls: Which Character Are You?

by Rachel Stein March 4, 2013 10:36 am
<i>Girls</i>: Which Character Are You?

I don't really have anything bad to say about "It's Back," or much of Season 2 of Girls for that matter (beyond what I said last week, that is), most likely because the majority of criticism I've heard and read of the series is based in sexism or subjective visceral reactions to Lena Dunham as an individual. I get so sick of reading the same negative commentary over and over again that it only feeds what I love about this show that much more, and so trying to find a Bad aspect of this episode would leave me empty, and pathetically snarkless.

So this is all to say: Girls knows what it's doing with its format, and overanalyzing a sitcom is needlessly exhausting for us all. Instead, here's a personality quiz:

Things are finally going pretty good in your life. What's your response?
A. Freak out. I do not deserve to be happy, despite what Patrick Wilson once taught me.
B. Celebrate, but then grow hostile and assume that everyone will want a piece of my success.
C. Fuck a cute doorman.
D. Be happy, obviously.
E. I'll let you know if that like, ever happens.
F. Accept that it's temporary but try to enjoy it.

And how are you when things are not going so hot?
A. Take advantage of the experience factor and write about it, even if that means letting things get way, way worse.
B. Wallow, but try to turn it into something at least a little bit useful.
C. Meditate, and then call my aunt and create an action plan for getting my life on its most successful track possible.
D. Attend an AA meeting and give the most charming speech imaginable.
E. Mope for a long time, and then get convinced to follow my dubious dreams.
F. Cry a lot in Staten Island.

What's your biggest nightmare?
A. Judy Collins calling me out for leaving her show mid-set, or being told my ticks are "classical."
B. Falling back in love with my ex.
C. Putting a relationship before my friends and then everyone thinking I am dead because I'm like, never around.
D. Everyone realizing what a creep I am.
E. Weaker people becoming more successful than me.
F. Being seen as the old loser.

Do you like sweets?
A. Yes, especially when I'm stark naked and in vessels of water.
B. Eh, I'm not really into it, but I get the appeal.
C. Yeah but only in moderation and if I know I'm going to the gym afterward.
D. Not really.
E. I don't eat them, if that's what you're asking.
F. What am I, ten?

Mostly A's: You're a Hannah
On one hand, you've fallen back into your debilitating OCD, only recently learned how to use soap correctly and are losing your mind... but on the other hand, your parents are hilarious and your doctor is Bob Balaban. Make your ebook about a bionic dog, maybe read a few Ann Patchett books and you'll probably be good and fine and fine and good.

Mostly B's: You're a Charlie
Lip dubs are the worst, and you should be embarrassed that you participate in them at your age. But yeah, congrats on developing that app, it actually sounds pretty cool.

Mostly C's: You're a Shoshanna
Others may find you horribly grating -- especially when they have to spend actual time with you -- but I think you're great and would gladly live in your orphanage.

Mostly D's: You're an Adam
You're the best character this week and are very good at monologues. Furthermore, your respectable height, semi-dashing fresh look and rapport with both Carol Kane and Roswell's Shiri Appleby will surely get you nominated for some kind of award down the line.

Mostly E's: You're a Marnie
Seriously, it's weird that you suddenly want to sing, but you voice is pretty good, so it's not entirely out of nowhere. You also have a knack for taking insults as compliments, which is more endearing than it is obnoxious. Plus, you pull of the magician's assistant aesthetic rather flawlessly.

Mostly F's: You're a Ray
You reject intimacy and totally blew it with Shoshanna. Hopefully everything will work out soon, though it seems more likely that you'll be living in your car and selling your signed Andy Kaufman photo soon.

Think you've got game? Prove it! Check out Games Without Pity, our new area featuring trivia, puzzle, card, strategy, action and word games -- all free to play and guaranteed to help pass the time until your next show starts.




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