The Telefile
<I>Happy Endings</I>: Ho-Ho-Ho Character Assessments

Well, to be honest, the plot and the setup of this episode was pretty dumb... and didn't make a hell of a lot of sense. Everything magically hinged on Jane getting carded at the bar they go to all the time. And on the waiter somehow noticing her ID was fake, and then everyone finding out that she'd been lying about her birthday being July 16 to cover up that she was actually born on Christmas. And her sister Alex not remembering when her real birthday was (okay, it's Alex; that we can kind of buy). And then there was the subplot about Dave helping Penny find a gift, but waiting until like Christmas Day to do it. And then where did these Arcade Fire tickets just magically appear from? But, despite those quibbles, "No-Ho-Ho" was still very well executed and filled with the typically delightful sight gags and clever dialogue that this show regularly delivers. So in the spirit of Christmas, we won't dwell too long on the small stuff, especially when there's a host of people covering their eyes with washcloths because they got pepper-sprayed trying to throw a surprise party for Jane.

Spent most of her time looking for the perfect gift for her boyfriend Pete, and somehow got Dave to help her with this.

Her best lines:
- "I've never done Pilates, I just go to a bakery every Sunday."
- "Are you Madonna in this story?"
- "Must have been nice having two parents."
- "Like when you said you were the Horse Whisperer whisperer but you never got the DVD to work?"
- "That's the old guy from Jurassic Park and those are Candy-cane-asauruses."
- "What is going to be open on Christmas? Gas station? Drug store? Israel?"
- "I feel like this is needlessly confusing, like that show Treme."
- "No guy has ever offered to kill me. Well, one guy did, but it was during sex, so I don't think it counts."

His obsession with egg nog was silly, but him chugging the nog was fabulous. As was his camelback filled with egg nog cleverly smuggled into Jane's party. And there was nothing better than watching him get water-tortured by Brad.

His best lines:
- "Did the Asian waiter hear that?"
- "You didn't like Ringling Brothers for Brothers?"
- "It's beaten me. It's beaten me so hard."
- "I didn't vote for Obama. I couldn't respect his March Madness bracket."
- "I was being funny. I wrote in Casey Affleck on the ballot."

Him explaining Treme seemed appropriately douchey, and in character. I did get momentarily excited when he talked about shaving off his goatee, but no such luck. Instead, he claimed to be able to pick out the perfect gift for people, to a tremendously annoying degree.

His best lines:
- "Easy breezy vibe? I thought you had more of a dead of winter, Girl with a Dragon Tattoo, Skarsgard murder house vibe."
- "It got in my pants. It's on my penis."
- "Jurassic Park, Jurassic Park. Newman gets killed bad."
- "The last 15 seconds were spent wondering if I should shave my goatee. And the answer is a big fat no."
- "Don't pepper spray my pee-pee, please."

He water-tortured Max, while carrying on a phone conversation with Alex about her Christmas wrapping obsession, and threw his beloved Hip Hop Santa out the window without a second thought in order to make his wife's birthday special. So sweet... until he didn't want to part with his caramel corn.

His best lines:
- "Is her eye color frosted spruce? Yes. Did she have to petition the Illinois Secretary of State to allow her to have this color on her license? No. He's a good friend of ours."
- "I thought I was married to a MILF. Now all those fantasies about her being my dad's new wife and giving me a bath and swaddling me don't make any sense."
- "Sorry, Hip Hop Santa, I cannot dance with you this year."
- "Are you back on the sweet and creamy?"

Fairly annoying about the whole Christmas baby thing. We get it, it sucks. But at least she had the good sense to leave the dive bar full of angry Christmas babies before the riot broke out.

Her best lines:
- "My parents ruined my childhood by giving me the dreaded Christmas/birthday combo gift."
- "Happy birthday Jane... and Jesus."
- "Are you sure you can handle that with your whole gift-wrap issue that makes no sense?"
- "She had facial dandruff."

Loved that her gift-wrap-induced profanity merited a bleep bubble, and her obsession with Love, Actually and her dancing with Hip Hop Santa. Can't wait for the internet to turn that into gifs.

Her best lines:
- "The good thing is we all get to be together, I get to open presents, peace on earth, who cares, who cares, who cares, I get to open presents."
- "Full disclosuzh, I ate gumdrop Bill Nighy. Yummy guy."
- "Jane needs to open up a gift, because its 4 o'clock on Christmas day and no one's opened diddly squat."
- "Recycle? What is this, Portland?"

Honorable mention to Pete for this line: "Hey man, I don't know much about soccer, but I think you just traded Mandy Patinkin for a town in California."

Think you've got game? Prove it! Check out Games Without Pity, our new area featuring trivia, puzzle, card, strategy, action and word games -- all free to play and guaranteed to help pass the time until your next show starts.




Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.



The Telefile

The Latest Activity On TwOP