The Telefile
<I>Happy Endings</I>: Engaging Character Assessments

Two episodes! And they are even airing in the right order! What did I do to deserve this delicious treat? Oh right, have to cope with the fact that they've effectively killed Don't Trust the B---- in Apartment 23. The mere idea of a life without James van der Beek on my TV? That's a high price to pay, but at least "The Marry Prankster" and "Our Best Friend's Wedding" both hit it out of the park. And for me this had an even more anticipated "friend kissing friend" scene than the one on New Girl. Don't you people even try and deny that you've wanted to see Brad and Max make out. But it wasn't the liplock I'd been dreaming of, so now I just want more. Can next season (if there is one) somehow play with this romantic tension more? The only real quibble I have about these episodes is that now I have "Take on Me" stuck in my head from watching the A-ha'd video at the end.

I totally didn't see the Keyser Soze twist coming, even though I really should have. I've watched The Usual Suspects enough times and seen it parodied on enough shows. Still, credit to the normally dopey Alex, she got me as the prankster queen who set everyone up. Also, her idea of a wedding sounds like a million more times interesting than Dave's ideas (bouncy houses!). No wonder she ditched him at the altar.

Her Best Lines:
- "I've picked up and quit smoking four times and I'm drinking way too much Rock Star for someone my height."
- "You guys realize that we are just prawns in his game? Little shrimp swimming around waiting to be eaten by a big shark named Max."
- "I have my smart moments. I'm not as dumb as I am."
- "I get the P-shaped sandwiches for Penny and Pete, but what is with the lowercase b's?"
- "Why do I have to be couples with Dave?"
- "You know what they say; it's not a good gang-hang until someone takes a major shot to the face."

He went crazy on Max trying to avenge him for "his" Guns 4 Subs prank and then turned into a total groomzilla. But he still barely learned that the wedding every little boy dreams of isn't so special when your bride hightails it out of there. Loved the moments where it seemed like he and Alex had conveniently forgotten they were dating. I try and forget that sometimes, too.

His Best Lines:
- "Pete, you son of a bitch, you are as innocent as you are stunning."
- "I've always been secretly turned on by a pint-sized girl with a limp. When Kerri Strug stuck that landing, I stuck myself in my bedroom for quite some time."
- "You are about to witness some real genius, specifically the popcorn prank from Real Genius.
- "I miss my dead gay friend."
- "Would you call Jonas Salk, Poliozilla? Or George Clooney, Darfurzilla? Or the founder of real estate website Zillow, Zillozilla?"
- "Once again, left at the altar."

First she was annoyed that Brad took a job that was seemingly beneath him, which was annoying. But then she redeemed herself with her terrifying Jane in the Box wedding planning gift, and her freakish ability to make Penny's wedding all about her. Bonus points for making it rain when Brad was covered in stripper glitter, and dancing and singing "Take on Me."

Her Best Lines:
- "Or when he decimated our 401K?"
- "What else is great? Syphillis? Men with bangs? Waking up with a dead dog in your damned bed?"
- "Why work with an impersonal professional wedding planner? You need someone who knows you, who loves you. Who would rather burn your wedding to the ground than see someone else plan it."
- "I got this special VIP wedding planner pass and that turns me on sexually in a way that no man could."
- "I did not know he was gonna come in looking like he just shot the sheriff."
- "You can have your entire wedding video A-ha'd."

Took a job working as chief fun officer at Chuckles and Hugs, because it made him happy, and no one can rock a rainbow wig like he can. Then he and Max got their bromance on at the wedding expo (where Jane coupled them up), and he had a near-kiss that was comically bizarre.

His Best Lines:
- "Max put stripper glitter in my two favorite things: My lotions and my creams."
- "My saBRADttical is officially over."
- "In other highlights, I forcibly tried on a guy's shoe, showed a lady my stomach and then peed on a guy. Granted it was at the urinal after the interview, but still... it was penis water."
- "Penny took that hardwood floor to the head like a boss, huh?"
- "We haven't even redeemed our couple's coupon for that awesome nail salon run by Tom Petty's cousin Manuel. Manny Petty's mani-pedis."
- "I love you and all your parts, they're so good."
- "Hurry up and take me back before these huge guys pound me. Trust me, they are DTF. Down to fight."
- "I felt it. I felt your whiskers."

The king of pranks enlisted Alex to help him exact revenge on the rest of the gang because they'd made him think he won the lotto (his Hulking-out reaction was amazing), but he blew up his limo in the process (guess he'll need a new job and a blender pyramid scheme probably won't cut it). Then he got outsmarted by Alex, but ended up cashing in on freebies during his brief "engagement" to Brad. Extra credit for making his action figures make out.

His Best Lines:
- "Owning an unlicensed limousine sucks. I'm losing fares because I've got a giant hole in the floor. It's like the Flintstones. But do not try and put your feet through and run... it will rip most of your skin off."
- "Read. My. Lips. I am going to get revenge on every last one of you. And no one will be able to escape the wrath of Max Broom. Dammit, Bloom. How did I mess up my own name? It's your fault and now I'm embarrassed and I will revenge on all of you even harder."
- "What are you doing, you tiny psycho?"
- "When it comes, my revenge will be served like a tennis serve of a seventh grade girl: Slow, out of bounds and I will pull balls out of my skirt."
- "You gave yourself a sideways Kate Gosselin, bazooka'd yourself through a coffee table and Gillooly'd your leg. I think you got pranked."
- "To the most romantic engagement ever to take place within 20 feet of a car fire."
- "I got you a blender, nay, a blendaddy."
- "We're all selling these. We each have to push 15 units and then give me the money or I am in a bad way with some very bad people... Greek Orthodox."
- "Groomzilla is not a word because it never needed to exist before."
- "It's not like you never thought about it, Harvey Chocolate Milk."

She got engaged! To a real human being! And it wasn't even a prank. And Pete (to his endless credit) didn't run screaming even when he was an innocent victim in the prank war. And her facial expressions when Pete says he wants to elope just really took her over the top.

Her Best Lines:
- "Remember when he buttered my yoga mat, and my welcome mat and my neighbor Matt?"
- "If I had known that dog was going to climb in bed with me, I never would have kept so much chocolate in there."
- "This dress is a rental."
- "Oh, crapdammit. I forgot to invite Pete!"
- "Wake up, you tiny whore!"
- "Except for the location of the wedding and the band, which I already booked. Chicago and Chicago. They owe me. I saved the drummer from choking on a hushpuppy once at the state fair. Took him a while to recover, but he's feeling stronger every day."
- "If you want to serve antelope at the wedding, I'm game for game."
- "We can go down to the courthouse right now. Well, not the one on Belmont or the one on Michigan Ave... I went through a bailiff phase."

Since he's part of "the gang," well, until he ends up blown up in a limo that explodes popcorn Real Genius-style during the next prank war, we'll give him his own category. He deserves it for putting up with so much crap.

His Best Lines:
- "Help! I'm glued to the toilet."
- "I love your big heart, and I love your even bigger head."

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