The Telefile
TWoP 10: Things We'll Miss from Recently Cancelled Shows

With another regular television season coming to a close just in time for the Memorial Day weekend, we'd like to hold a memorial of our own for all of the characters and other elements that we'll miss the most from this year's ridiculously robust round of cancelled and concluded shows. Important note, however: This list is just about shows from the 2010-2011 season, so no putting, like, Firefly people or whatever in the comments, please. We know you'll want to, but just try to resist.

10. The Punctuation of $#*! My Dad Says
I understand it was very frustrating for a lot of critics, but we didn't cover that show, so what do I care? It was hysterical that a network had a show on in primetime that couldn't be pronounced without censorship, plus, just look at that title: isn't it just so colorful? I'll miss looking at it, and having nothing further to do it with it whatsoever.

9. Chloe, Smallville
She was, by all accounts, the only consistently enjoyable thing about this show's ten-year run. And that's even with that series of HGTV haircuts she had for the majority of it. That is some seriously formidable likeability.

8. Marti's Half-Shirts, Hellcats
Hellcats was my favorite surprise guilty pleasure of the season (and I'm only slightly ashamed to admit it), so I'll miss many things about it, but mocking Marti's complete inability to cover the lower half of her torso is what I'll probably be most sorry to do without next fall. Drunk, slutty Gail O'Grady is a closer runner-up, however.

7. The Gross Novelty Items from Outsourced
You already know how we felt about this series so I won't rehash it, but one thing that was always delightful was seeing how many variations on dumb American novelty products they featured. I definitely never would have thought to purchase a "farting fanny bank" before I saw it on this show, and now it's literally the centerpiece at all of my dinner parties.

6. Cash, Breaking In
Because he was funny, he was obsessed with Star Wars and he elevated every episode of this underrated (in all senses of the word) sitcom with his inventive sci-fi references and unabashed, infectious geekiness. That's it. We're really not as hard to please as people might think.

5. The Portal, The Event
This show was comically bad on every level, but every once in a while these half-wit aliens would get it together enough to suck entire buildings or jets into a blue transport portal/vortex thingy, and even with the less-than-state-of-the-art CGI, it was always awesome. The only awesome thing about the show, sadly.

4. The Drunken Dinner Parties of Brothers & Sisters
Oh, how we will miss the Walkers, a family of wine guzzling, no inner-monologue-having, unimaginably mean drunks. Every time they sat down to a meal together, they ended up deeply insulting each other while sloshing wine everywhere, and it was a beautiful thing. That's family.

3. The Skinnings of V
This show was woefully lacking in action or real stakes of any kind, but every so often, a lizard person would piss Anna off enough that she would order them skinned. And then the camera would linger on it, forcing us to watch each and every slice. It was like Saw, but with terrible special effects and even less character development.

2. Plastics, Off the Map
Friday Night Lights' Matt Saracen grew up to become an adorably cocky doctor on this show, and even though his character was kind of a moron -- his main storyline was that he was unable to learn even the most basic Spanish while A) living in a Spanish-speaking country, and B) being hopelessly in love with a local girl who didn't speak any English -- Zach Gilford's charms made him endearing through it all. Even when he was having casual sex with tourists in public showers, and that's the germiest thing in the whole wide world.

1. Fitch, Detroit 1-8-7
It's true that there are too many cop shows on TV right now, but very few of them are as good as this one was. Watching "Christophuh" (Michael Imperioli) play a fascinating, mysterious detective -- a completely different character than we've ever seen him play before, even on Life on Mars -- was the stuff of Emmy dreams, stunted by tiny ratings and an unceremonious cancellation. If life were just a little bit fairer, this show would have gotten the Southland treatment.

What are people saying about your favorite shows and stars right now? Find out with Talk Without Pity, the social media site for real TV fans. See Tweets and Facebook comments in real time and add your own -- all without leaving TWoP. Join the conversation now!




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