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The Telefile

While I was sitting in the theater waiting for Hellboy 2 to start this weekend I was subjected to some "commercials" that promised a behind -the-scenes look at such quality films as Death Race and The Sisterhood of Traveling Pants sequel (Sadly, I'll probably see both, but didn't need an "inside look" at either of them). Among these commercials was a peak at Battleground Earth. No, it isn't a sequel to the John Travolta Scientology debacle. Instead it is an environmentally friendly reality show that pits Tommy Lee (not Tommy Lee Jones, skeezy Tommy "I used to be married to Pam Anderson" Lee) against rapper Ludacris, and it's for this network that I didn't even know I had on my cable box called Planet Green. (They've also got a show with Adrien Grenier, who knew?) It features Ludacris and Tommy Lee and their respective "Eco-rage" (short-hand for eco-friendly entourage) members facing off in tasks that will make our world a better place to live. I was going to make a joke about how them not making music anymore would be a good start, but then I realized that I own CDs by both of them so I'm going to shut up about that now.

Anyway, this lengthy commercial showed Tommy Lee and Ludacris doing such things as going door-to-door to change people's showerheads, working on a farm (which is code for shoveling manure) and taking their message to the streets, with some face time from "famous folks" like Magic Johnson, Wayne Brady, Criss Angel and Travis Tritt. I mean, just the official description has me cracking up: "Battleground Earth challenges hip hop superstar Chris Ludacris Bridges and rock god Tommy Lee to battle against the toxic forces destroying Mother Earth as they travel across the country on a 10-episode tour." If the actual show is even half that amusing and self aggrandizing, we're in luck.

The best, aka most desperate, part of the whole thing is the "prize" that these two legends in their own minds are competing for. The winner gets to headline a "green" concert at LA's Greek Theatre. The loser is the opening act. What the hell kind of prize is this? I can't imagine that Ludacris has a tough time selling tickets to his shows. Or maybe he does, it's not like I pay that close attention to their concert sales. It's just so beyond lame that their prize is winning a chance to headline a benefit concert. I honestly want to believe that these guys are just doing this out of the good of their heart, but even I'm not that naive. Instead they probably are just grasping at a chance to look good for their fans, while doing a reality show slightly more upscale than something on VH1's celebreality (slightly). At least it's better than another season of Tommy Lee Goes to College. But if someone is going to inspire me to reduce, reuse, recycle, it isn't going to be these two bozos, it would probably be that cute little Wall-e fella.

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