The Telefile
<i>Take Me Out</i>: Turn Down the Volume

In Fox's newest dating series Take Me Out, 30 women judge one guy at a time and decide if they want to date him. George Lopez hosts (because when you think romance, you think George Lopez) and the best way to describe the show is loud -- in more ways than one. Don't believe me? Here are the reasons why this is the loudest dating show on TV:

The Opening
Remember Lite-Brite? You know, the colorful pegboard kids played with before they all had laptops and iPads? Well, imagine that combined with the silhouettes from old iPod commercials dancing to overly upbeat music and you've got the opening sequence of Take Me Out. It's followed by the 30 female contestants entering the stage in pairs and holding hands. I'm sorry, but why does this suddenly look like a fake-tan version of Madeline?

The Array of Catchphrases
Apparently, George Lopez knows thousands of ways to combine the idea of being "turned on" by someone and physically "turning off" a light. Most of them rhyme, but none are amusing.

The "Flirty 30"
The fact that these women are okay with being on a show that refers to them as "the flirty 30" should give a hint as to what they have in common: being obnoxious. They also love making expressive facial reactions to every move the oh-so-desirable men (more on them in a minute) make and are apparently all huge fans of analogies -- like comparing one contestant to a "rare piece of meat."

The Guys
First off, having four guys compete per episode is way too many and makes the already too-long show drag on even further. Still, I'd rather sit through ten contestants if it meant getting rid of the completely absurd ones. The first one up, Brandon, was the only normal guy in the studio and that didn't go too well for him. The men just got more ridiculous from there all the way to the final contestant, "Eric the Guido Torpedo," who naturally comes clothed in a shiny silver thong.

The Audience
By far, the loudest aspect of Take Me Out in the literal sense is the audience. They clap way too easily and are forced to shout "Turn it off!" far too often. Not to mention that they finish Lopez's sentences when he talks about the "Take Me Out Resort." Come on, no one knows what that is so don't expect us to believe that the audience isn't being prompted by an overly enthusiastic off-camera assistant.

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