The Telefile
<i>Weeds</i>: Why It Would Suck If This Were the Series Finale

I'm not sure how many there are of us left, but I know I can't be the only person who has faithfully watched Weeds from day one up until last night's season -- and possibly series, if Showtime doesn't renew -- finale. Even if you haven't seen the series completely through, the fact that you made it through this season is frankly pretty impressive. It's had its high points (everything with Pouncy House, Shane's story arc, shreds of Andy growing up, even some Doug moments) and serious lows (Nancy never ever changing ever, Silas constantly pouting, the whole Stevie thing, as if we're supposed to give a shit), but if what we saw in the final moment of "Do Her/Don't Do Her" truly was the close to seven long seasons of seeing the rise and fall and rise and fall and several more rounds of both of Nancy Botwin... well then I would be sorely disappointed, for more reasons than one.

Doug's Ending
Let's just get this out of the way: The fact that Kevin Nealon has stayed on this show since the pilot is baffling. Doug has definitely made me laugh over the years, but it's been seasons since I've actually enjoyed any of his storylines in the context of the larger conflicts of the series. For a while there, it was just Doug either being an insufferable moron or an enormous asshole. Would a family this dysfunctional really let an idiot and a liability like Doug hang with them for so long? His Season 7 story arc was maybe the most skillfully integrated one in years, but the way it ended was wholly unsatisfying. The two month jump taught us nothing about whether or not he still had a job (did I miss something?) and all we really learned from our time spent with Doug is that he still knows how to fuck his way out of trouble while balancing books.

Shane's Ending
What even happened with Shane? He spent the entire season sucking up to his mother for, you know, doing jail time for his murder, but then at the end of the series decided that his loyalty really lies with Detective Ouelette, and now he's in the police academy with the intention of one day ratting out his mother? Gotta say, I'm having a hard time following the character motivation on this one. If the writers really want us to believe Shane would change in such a fundamental way, why not have him join the Police Academy a few episodes before the series finale? Even as a season finale, the pace was all wrong. At what point in those two months did he join the Academy? Has it changed his relationship with his family at all? I guess they're not supposed to know about it, given the very subtle move of Shane keeping his police hat in his bag.

Silas' Ending
Jesus, talk about half measures. It was interesting to see Silas finally cutting the cord, starting his own business and royally screwing over his mom by calling Jill over to New York to ruin any chance of Nancy getting custody of Stevie... except, before we even got to spend any time with Jill, Silas immediately regretted his actions and felt terrible for being a shitty son. Is there no growth? Are we supposed to believe that Silas won't blow up at Nancy in the near future about once again bossing him around? Or is the little space she carved out for him in Connecticut supposed to smooth over all of their woes? And is everything with Pouncy House Emma just totally gone, and she's not seeking any revenge from Nancy? What's next, is Silas going to having sex with Quinn under a missing skylight in Agrestic again?

Andy's Ending
Charles' funeral supposedly taught Andy a lot about life and making peace, but it was too little too late for me. I think that in order to prove that Andy has truly grown up, we would either need to see him leave Nancy's universe for good, or -- and I hate to fall on convention -- actually settle down and have a real adult relationship. Sure, in seven seasons he has learned to compromise and is currently at peace with his life, but a few frustrating Nancy moves would likely set him off again.

Nancy's Ending
If you're going to kill Nancy by a mysterious shooter at the series finale, at least let us know who's after her. We have no idea what happened in the time jump, and if she is actually dead now and they didn't show her dying, that is just plain cheap. I always hoped Nancy would either stop dealing by the series finale, or die of a heart attack like her late first husband. Adapt and change, or die unceremoniously... not get murdered by an unknown enemy. She didn't even have that many enemies by finale time. And this Stevie bullshit and everyone happily living on a commune didn't work for me at all. I barely know Jill's kids, I never felt any sort of bond between Nancy and Stevie, I thought that Nancy had good rapport with Jill's husband and I don't believe he just wouldn't be invited to live in Connecticut... this freaking show.

Half of me hopes that it gets renewed for an eighth season and Jenji Kohan works herself out of this corner, and the other half wants to light Weeds on fire, hit it with a croquet mallet and just surrender it to the FBI already. Unless they bring back Celia, obviously.

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