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Ready for Love: Zero Dollar Matchmaker

by Rachel Stein April 10, 2013 10:01 am
<i>Ready for Love</i>: Zero Dollar Matchmaker

It's obvious what Eva Longoria and NBC were trying to do with Ready for Love: Cash in quite belatedly on the fame of The Bachelor using the "science" and snark of Millionaire Matchmaker. Unfortunately, this show is so poorly edited, egregiously sexist and clearly low-budget, it's much closer to The Choice meets Fashion Star and has all of the authenticity of Burning Love. Rather than validate Ready for Love by giving it a straight-up review, I'll instead list the very worst things about the show.

- Giuliana and Bill desperately trying to convince us how candid and in love they are (on network TV this time).

- Four grown women are positioned in boxes like Barbie Dolls, and we then have to listen to them suck up to a guy they've never met as awkwardly as humanly possibly.

- Having to listen to women sing, recite poetry and quote movies all while playing painfully dumb.

- The rejected women getting descended into the underbelly of the studio. (I like to imagine it's the same place as the smelly Biggest Loser gym, or maybe where Christina Aguilera's old hats from The Voice are stored.)

- The concept of bringing in a person from the bachelor's past to spice things up.

- The completely inconsistent editing for Tracy McMillan's bachelorettes, in what I have to assume happened in post when the monkeys realized that the producers wanted the entire episode to be about Loser Leah. Instead of taking time away from a different part of the episode -- maybe the three hundred promos for next week's installment? -- they slapped together that.

- The moving "Team X" tags on the bachelorettes' names, which made the show feel even more like a parody of itself.

- Seeing Tim subject the ladies to an indulgent concert of his own music, then following it up with a Glee Project-caliber challenge of the women writing songs for him. (At this moment, I wrote, "It's as if NBC is discovering reality TV for the first time," in my notes.)

- The patented "ZOMG THIS IS OUR MANSION?!" scene with the hopefuls.

- The Leah drama, whose awfulness I really can't overstate.

- The poor-quality static-filled phone calls from the matchmakers to Tim. (I had to turn my TV up to hear what they were saying, and immediately regretted my decision.)

- The "Women Tell All" segment with the matchmakers, where the grown adults are told that their approaches of acting civilized are WRONG and that they're bad at looking for love. (Side note: How does it make you feel that Tracy McMillan, the women who wrote this goddamn awful thing, also has a Mad Men writing credit?)

- The "game" part of the love-quest where the matchmakers nominate one of their own to get eliminated, as if Ready for Love wasn't already extremely needlessly complicated.

- Oh god, then the TV in the studio "cutting out" so that the live audience couldn't see who was getting eliminated, missing out on particularly awful acting from Tim -- who is the WORST, by the way.

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