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Modern Family: The Best Lines of the Night

by Angel Cohn February 14, 2013 12:32 pm
<I>Modern Family</i>: The Best Lines of the Night

While last week gave me some hope that this show was on an upswing, "Heart Broken" took away most of those good feelings. It wasn't the worst episode, but having each couple get their own separate Valentine's Day storyline made me feel like the third wheel on all these dates, and that's not a good thing at all. Particularly, since making it three distinct acts with no overlap between the adult characters made the less entertaining segments (the ones without Phil and Claire) seem far longer than they needed to be. Also, is there a more annoying character on this show than Manny right now? Even Lily is looking better by comparison.

"I can make any kind of knot. It's like I have a sailor in my mouth."
For Clive and Juliana's annual sexy meet up (on Valentine's eve, so they can babysit Joe), Phil and Claire have their typical flirtatious discussion at the bar, where Claire presumes that a "blimpnic" is a naughty sexual position instead of the straightforward picnic on a blimp that Phil has planned. We might want a year off from these two alter egos, because while we do like them, they are getting a little stale. Anyway, Claire has a heart problem, she goes to the hospital, the kids have a party and there are a bunch of Cambodian jokes that aren't funny in the least. Also not funny: Phil's gross conversation about Jay and Gloria's sex life.

"Haley, revive your sister."
The quick off-handed remark about Alex fainting at the sight of blood (from the constant Dunphy male bloody noses) gave way to this fast gag where she passed out, and Claire impatiently dispatched Haley to deal with it.

Not a line, but Gloria aggressively eating marshmallows
Maybe it would be better if Gloria did more physical stuff that didn't involve her acting ridiculous or screeching at the top of her lungs. Watching her staring lustfully at Jay and stuffing down giant marshmallow after giant marshmallow to keep herself from jumping him when he got all take-charge was actually really endearing. Not funny, per se, but it made Gloria more human, at least momentarily. Too bad this whole segment was really ruined by Manny and his constant oblivious interruptions and general irritating self-involved attitude.

"Like you've never had a few cocktails and dyed a cat pink with cherry Kool-aid"
"I never knew I would find my answer in my ex-girlfriend's uncle house with the tiny pink panther."
"Gay dudes have always been nice to me, I mean super nice, but nothing like this."
Cam and Mitchell had a party, and Cameron of course told his husband that he was absolutely no fun, so Mitchell got wasted and had a Hangover sort of night. He dyed their cat pink and did inappropriate things with reindeer and thought he had invited Dylan to live with them. Of course, in the wake of their party (which ended with them lying in bed on the 15th, which if this is supposed to be 2013 would be on a Friday morning, though there is no mention of work), Cameron got all judgmental about Mitchell's drinking and the two of them squabbled about all of the "mistakes" that Mitch made while drunk... and of course Cam was the one who invited Dylan to live at their house. Of course. And Lily continued to be a bitch, but at least they are calling her out on it. And she did (with her flat, bizarre delivery) get in a dig at the fact that we don't see Cam and Mitch kissing, but they "do it all the time." The only real kudos here go to Dylan, who can come live at my house any time (and I don't mean that in a creepy cougar lady way), since he is a fantastic housekeeper, a mediocre musician and was able to tolerate Cam and Mitch's squabbling without batting an eyelash. It is really too bad that they cut this storyline short, as there was some real comic potential there.

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