The Telefile
Tuesday Night at the Olympics: The Good, the Bad and the Appalling

Trying to have a life and watch as much Olympics primetime coverage as possible don't really work together. Last night I attempted to see a Broadway show and be social with a friend and then go home and watch the Olympics. Let's just say this didn't exactly work out. Not just because I was up until two o'clock in the morning trying to watch the entire primetime broadcast. Not just because I had to skip over a qualifying round of men's beach volleyball in order to finish at a "reasonable" time. But because by the time I got to the end of the airing that I had DVR'd, I discovered that it ran over and into the time slotted for the "news" and I didn't get to watch the Chinese or American Women's Gymnastics team compete in the majority of the floor exercises. TiVo cut off right after Alicia Sacramone fell on her butt, and when I switched to live TV the Team USA girls were all being interviewed about their Olympic silver medal win. Sigh. I try so hard to avoid Olympic "spoilers."

The Good
- Michael Phelps winning two gold medals. Duh. He rules the pool (oh god, I'm starting to sound like the announcers). He became the greatest Olympic champion ever, by taking staking his claim to his 10th and 11th gold medals. That's actually pretty cool. Especially when you find out that during the 200 Butterfly he couldn't see where he was going because he got water in his goggles (I'd have run into a wall). I really liked it when he helped his team to victory in the 4x200 relay. You've always got to worry with the team sports. He kicked things off and gave them a big lead, but they could have lost it. Instead they built on it and kicked ass in world record time. Now he's got five shiny gold medals at this games and 5 world records to go with it. Not too shabby.

- The best quote of the night came from the announcer calling the 4x200 Men's Freestyle relay when he said, "I think my mom could anchor this relay." Ha. Good times, and I'd like to meet his mom.

- Cris Collinsworth interviewed Michael Phelps' mom, which was all well and good. But him sitting with her during a race and watching her facial expressions, was really something great. I heart her.

- Peter van den Hoogenband. It just rolls off the tongue. Try saying it three times fast!

The Bad
- Missing the end of the Team Gymnastics competition. I personally hold the new slow and confusing judging system responsible. The big delays kept if from airing in a timely manner. Oh, and they should find a way that DVRs can know when shows run long and just keep taping them. If they can clone dogs for crazy people, they should be able to do this.

- Katie Hoff. I feel like she was just so hyped before the games and she hasn't really won much of anything and is just whatever.

- Alicia Sacramone. I know it wasn't her fault that the US gymnastics team won silver instead of gold. Or at least I'm told because I can't understand that freaky math. However, her falling off the balance beam and then falling on her ass during the floor exercises and then stepping out of bounds... couldn't have really helped much.

- With all of the little bugs all over the screen, would it kill them to have one pop up ever 30 seconds or so that tells you what sport you are watching or if it is a qualifying round or for a medal. If you just jump in to the middle of a sport, you'd be clueless. It just drives me nuts. If I'm going to waste my valuable time watching Olympic kayaking (which is a messed up sport, by the way) I want to know if someone is going home with a medal around their necks.

- The team USA gymnastic uniforms. I much preferred the stars to these weird flame things. Did they not have time to wash them?

The Appalling
- Mary Carillo. As I expressed yesterday, this is a manish woman who is reporting on nothing relevant to the Olympics, taking up valuable badminton time. Tonight she outdid herself with a visit to a Panda sanctuary... which was actually kind of a whore house. She reported on the Panda Aerobics that they do that get their juice flowing so they'll have more sex and make more panda babies. Not that panda babies aren't the cutest things in the world, but I don't want to think about how they are conceived. Then she followed that up by showing the videos that the adorable creatures like to watch to get them in the mood, which shows boy and girl pandas frolicking. Yes folks, she just talked about panda porn during the Olympics. I thought this was a family show. I'd rather have more tragic sob stories.




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