The Telefile
Highlights from <I>The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills</I> Reunion (Part 1)

Last night was the first of three installments of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion, and while we've only just scratched the surface of the craziness with these women, there were already some very memorable moments:

What Are They Wearing?
Was Adrienne trying to look like a butterfly with her shiny satin purple/blue gown, with the giant wing like sleeve? She can definitely afford to look better. And she was butting heads with Lisa, who looked like she had disassembled her chandelier to make her giant gaudy necklace and earrings. Money can't buy you taste.

Kim Is MIA
Much like she was the rest of this season, Kim was not at the reunion. They explained she was in rehab, but Kyle refused to talk about. Judging by the previews, it looks like Andy Cohen has a solo sitdown with her at some later date. That's probably for the best. The big crowd of women would likely just have confused her.

Hoof in Mouth Disease
Lisa has been in this country long enough that she should know that her dry British sense of humor can easily be interpreted as passive-aggressively insulting. During the season, she made fun of Adrienne's shoe line, calling it the Maloof hoof. What does "hoof" mean in her mind? "It's cute; it's a little fat shoe." Way to dig yourself deeper there, Lisa.

Preying on the Weak
During a conversation with Taylor about dealing with Lisa, Kyle mentioned that "maybe Lisa preys on the weak." Lisa took this as a major insult, instead of owning the fact that she's an opinionated bully. The two hashed this out over and over, culminating in silent mutual glares after Kyle said, "Being in a friendship with you is like playing chess with Bobby Fischer." How long you think it took her to think that one up?

Should the Show Have Gone On Post-Russell?
Camille says no because his children would see it, but Adrienne thinks that it was an important message to get out there about domestic violence and suicide. The fact that she needs the show to become more famous has nothing to do with it, we're sure. And we really don't buy the convenient and self-serving retcon of this season as having saved Taylor's life because it ensured a camera crew was always nearby.

So Kelsey Grammer Is a Total Ass?
During the difficult sections with Taylor, Camille apologized for upsetting her during the season and said that she could relate to the emotional manipulation of someone controlling your every word and deed. Yikes, what would Dr. Frasier Crane have to say about that?

Just Hit Me
One of the most shocking and upsetting comments came from Taylor, when she was discussing the aforementioned emotional manipulation: "I would often say 'just hit me so we can get this over with' because I knew that would end it."

Texts From Last Night
We got to hear some snippets from the text messages that Russell sent to Taylor and, well, they weren't exactly what you'd call charming. One that Lisa saw featured a string of expletives, including addressing Taylor as an "effing whore." And then there was the one that Taylor got on her 40th birthday: "Happy birthday, asshole. Fuck you, you psychotic bitch." But hey, at least he remembered her birthday.

Cooking Class
One of Lisa's big beefs with Adrienne was that her chef Bernie had complained about Lisa's attitude and about her dog at the table, and Lisa was personally offended that the Maloofs still employed this person. Is this The Help? Why not make Bernie go use a toilet outside while you're at it? We've all seen that Adrienne can't cook anything (lest she wash a chicken with dish soap), so there's no way she'd fire her beloved chef for the sake of a reality show friendship.

Gossip for Sale?
The Bernie discussion devolved into a battle about selling stories. Lisa accused Bernie of selling a story to a tabloid, and Adrienne said that Lisa sells stories to Radar Online and that she has proof. To Lisa's credit, she didn't deny talking to the site for free, but insists that she didn't do it for cash. Then she started accusing Adrienne of slander, even when Camille said she'd heard the same thing from someone as well.

Watch What Happens... Next Time
Brandi just barely entered the reunion at the end of last night, so she'll be stirring the pot next week... and we're hoping for some big fireworks instead of this fairly restrained chit-chat. Could someone please flip a couch? Or make Andy break up a fight again?

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