The Telefile
The Most Heinous Person on Reality TV This Week

Shangela was inspiring as a role model to a young diva on Toddlers & Tiaras, but leave it to the Dance Moms stars to act like reprehensible people around small children.

Abby Lee Miller (Dance Moms)
Welcome back, Abby. We've truly missed you telling small children to save their tears for when they are alone with their pillow, and demanding that they give up five hours a night for dance practice. After all, even the youngest is seven now, so that's old enough to stop whining. As Abby said multiple times throughout the season premiere, "everyone's replaceable." And she was so bitchy to Kelli about her use of Discover card while in front of a room of kids, that Kelli called her a whore. Both were in the wrong, but Abby struck the first low blow... to a woman who actually pays her bills.

Flavor Flav (Celebrity Wife Swap)
It's too bad that this column didn't exist back in the Flavor of Love days, since Flav might have been a regular. Instead, his brief appearance on Celebrity Wife Swap was enough to earn him a spot here this week, thanks to his "off limits" room (like we can't put together what goes on in there) and because was mean to Dee Snider's wife. He showed just how ridiculously infantile he is by pouting about not getting to go skydiving, while at the same time breaking rules about pawning his own children off on to other people. And he was quite disrespectful during the family sitdown. No wonder his poor bride-to-be enjoys her quiet time without him so much.

Drita/Karen/Ramona/Derek (Mob Wives)
Drita and Karen can't actually have a conversation without it turning into a physical fight, but the fact that Ramona and Derek got in on the action and started swinging turned an easily rectifiable scuffle into a full-out brawl... at a birthday party for a woman who just got out of the hospital.

Jenelle (Teen Mom 2)
We want to stop putting her on the list, and had MTV only aired one episode this week she would have been spared. However, they aired a second episode, in which she spent all day in bed crying because her boyfriend left her after she had received a text message from an ex. Kieffer is disgusting and barely out of jail on domestic violence charges, so he's not worth a day of tears, particularly when it means that you can't even take care of your own child for ten minutes. And we're supposed to feel sorry for Jenelle because she doesn't know how to cope with her feelings without smoking pot? Plus, her tirade at the end where she stormed Kieffer's friends' car and begged him to stay with her was just an awful display of behavior.

Kim and Ken (Real Housewives of Beverly Hills)
The gross couple showed up days late for a birthday party in Hawaii, with a constantly changing excuse and then tried to make it seem like the birthday boy (Mauricio, whom Kim calls Maurice all the time) was to blame for making her feel bad. Grow the hell up. They also couldn't get it together to get to the yacht on time, delaying the outing by an hour and then not making it on board after all, preferring to instead just have lunch and acting like immature idiots.

Winner: Abby.
Mostly for making us think about her having her period when she told the world that her father drove her to "the talk." And for her hypocritical behavior: After saying last year that she didn't want the moms around because they were annoying, she made Holly (and Nia) feel terrible for actually having a job that would allow Nia to take the dance lessons in the first place. In Abby's world, working mom Holly not having time to sit in a confined room for five hours a night makes her the worst mother on the planet.

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