The Telefile
<I>True Blood</I> vs. <I>Twilight</I>: Which Vamps Have the Best Bite?

This was a tough one. With True Blood finishing its first season Sunday, and Twilight hitting theaters, we put all our knowledge of the two most popular undying love stories around right now to use to figure out which one is the best bloodsucking tale adapted for the screen this year. We've read the Sookie Stackhouse mysteries, we're obsessed with Alan Ball's take on them, and after reading all of the Twilight books, we'll be first in line to see the flick, no matter what those critics may say. So sink your teeth into our side-by-side comparison and see if you agree with our final judgment.

The Girls
True Blood: There's Sookie, a pretty blonde barmaid, with psychic abilities and an attraction to vamps and shape shifters. Despite her ability to read minds (except for the pesky vamps who are lacking in brain waves) she still finds herself in peril on a regular basis.
Twilight: There's Bella, a pretty young high school student, with the ability to block vampires from reading her thoughts and an attraction to vampires and werewolves. She's tremendously clumsy and often finds herself in rough situations.
Best Bite: We're giving this one to Sookie. While Bella's arguably prettier, Sookie's got a bit more common sense and pluck. Besides, Sookie's smart enough to know that while she may like to hook up with the supernatural fellas, she doesn't really have any desire to become one of them. Score 1 for TB.

The Vamp Guys
True Blood: Bill's moody and possessive and very, very mysterious. He is eager to be accepted by mainstream society and tries to abide by the laws of humans. He's got a deep connection to Sookie and will protect her at all costs... even though their dating is the reason she's in so much trouble in the first place.
Twilight: Edward's moody and possessive and very, very mysterious. He tries to blend with the humans, but live sort of above them in his own, beautiful, distant sort of way. He's got a deep and unavoidable connection with Bella and will protect her at all costs... even though their dating is the reason she's in so much trouble in the first place.
Best Bite: Edward. Mostly because he's hotter and is able to go outside (on cloudy days). That's way better boyfriend material. Oh, and he doesn't ever need to sleep, and he's got way better hair. Pretty amazing. Score 1 for Twilight.

The Shape Shifter Guys
True Blood: Sam's the local bar owner, Sookie's boss and has the ability to go from a puppy dog-eyed bartender to an actual loyal puppy dog. He's got a long-standing crush on his perky blonde waitress and is very disapproving of her turning fangbanger for Bill.
Twilight: Jacob's part of the Quileute tribe, lives on the outskirts of town and eventually gets the ability to turn from tall, gangly kid, to a wolfish beast. He's got a crush on his childhood pal Bella, and is miserable about her relationship with the crazily maned Edward. He's supposed to be the hairy one after all.
Best Bite: While we admit to siding with Team Jacob in the Twilight realm, we've got to give this one to Sam. Aside from the whole growling in his sleep and dating her best friend, he's kinda perfect. Not only can he shift into a dog, but other animals as well. Plus, Jacob's still a teen and Sam's a man, so it's kinda less icky on a lot of levels. That's another one for TB.

Vamp Portrayal
True Blood: This show tends to portray the vamps in a more typical light, at least as far as their inability to go outside in daylight, they like to dress in black, they sleep underground (in dirt or coffins), they've got super strength, they need to constantly feed, and they've got that whole glamor ability going on. The only real twist is that some of them drink synthetic blood, humans are aware of their existence, they've got jobs now and they are fightin' for their rights!
Twilight: When you become a vampire, you instantly become way hotter, like insanely ethereally gorgeous. They only need to feed every few days, they are all strong, but they've got unique special abilities. They can all run really, really fast, and some try to live among human society, only eating animals. The biggest switch from classic vamp lore is that they can go outside during the day without dying. On an overcast day it is like any other, but they avoid the sun because when the light hits their skin, they get all sparkly.
Best Bite: Hands down this one goes to Twilight. There's absolutely nothing that's not amazing about sparkly vampires who like to play baseball.

Non-Supernatural Allies
True Blood: In Bon Temps, there's a cast of kooky people who befriend the slightly-off Sookie. From the drama-filled Tara, to the much-married Arlene, to the amazing short-order cook/drug-dealer Lafayette, these folks look out for Sookie, even though they don't have badass super powers. Though frankly, Lafayette might have a trick or two up his sleeve. Wouldn't put it past him.
Twilight: Yes, Bella just moved back to the rainy Forks, so she doesn't have a lot of friends of the non-supe variety. And the ones she does are kind of your ordinary teens. The boys all crush on her, and the girls hate her because the boys all want her.
Best Bite: While neither the folks in Bon Temps or the Forks seem so keen on their pretty gals dating the undead, Sookie's friends at least seem slightly more tolerant. Oh, and her pals are way more tragically messed up and fun. That's another point for the TB world.

Tough Vamp Guys
True Blood: Eric is a former Viking, turned badass blonde bar owner. He uses his looming status to attract/scare customers and seems to relish his powerful status as sheriff of his little corner of Louisiana. He's not above intimidating Sookie to get her to do his bidding, and he's played by a guy from Generation Kill.
Twilight: Emmett is a former hunter, turned burly high school student. This massive specimen looms large, loves taunting Bella, and he's played by a guy from Generation Kill.
Best Bite: Eric. Eric. Eric. He's mean and funny and really loves being a vampire, which makes for a deadly combination. He's kind of reminds us of Buffy's Spike, in all of the best kinds of ways. Either way, we've got to rent Generation Kill ASAP.

True Blood: There's a lot of vampire hating going on, but it's not the vampires who threaten Sookie's well-being. They may be bloodthirsty, but it is a human who is going after fangbanging girls (like Sookie) and killing poor defenseless cats and grandmothers in the process.
Twilight: People are freaked out and confused by the Cullens, but their status as vampire mostly remains something of an urban legend around the Forks. It's really the other vampires who object to the human-friendly lifestyle that they lead, so they go after the one human who means the most to them for vengeance.
Best Bite: Sneaky human serial killers masquerading as nice family men are definitely not cool, but that is nothing compared to a gang of vampire killers. They can hold a grudge forever (really, forever!), they are above the law, hard to kill, they'll destroy anything in their paths, they have super strength and they are very, very crafty. Twilight takes this one easy.

Mean Girl Vamps
True Blood: Pam. She's a bitchy fangtastic bouncer and she's got an affinity for the ladies and sweater sets. She's out for blood, has a strong distaste for humankind (especially Sookie) and is just a generally vicious asshole to anyone who darkens her doorstep.
Twilight: Rosalie. She's the Regina George of the Cullen family. She's gorgeous (and knows it) and thinks the world revolves around her and is pissed off because she wants to have a baby. So she's especially rude to Bella, who seems to want to throw her human life away to become immortal.
Best Bite: Pam. There's something about those Fangtasia employees that we find irresistible. Perhaps they've glamored us, but we like that Pam just owns her attitude and even becomes somewhat tolerant of Sookie, when she feels like it. Rosalie on the other hand is spoiled and only comes around when there's something in it for her. We'd rather take the honest gal who would stab us in the front, instead of the fake sweet gal, who would stab us in the back. One more in the TB column.

Psychic Powers
True Blood: Sookie can hear people's thoughts, which is helpful, but annoying at the same time. She can sort of control it with a little bit of practice, but it doesn't really help her see what her supernatural fellas are thinking.
Twilight: Edward can hear everyone's thoughts as well, with the exception of his beloved Bella's. But Edward's sister Alice can see the future.
Best Bite: Twilight. Being a vampire and being able to hear everyone's, even werewolves' and other vamps', thoughts comes in mighty handy. And paired with Alice's ability to see the future, they are a forced to be reckoned with.

True Blood: Jason Stackhouse. There's nothing like this slutty, always naked, kind of delusional manchild in the Twilight realm to compare him to.
Twilight: Jasper Hale. Former warrior and vampire trainer, he's a sensitive guy who can relax people, but since he's a vamp is bound to attack at any moment (he nearly kills Bella by accident). So far, there's nothing like this vamp around in the True Blood world.
Best Bite: This one's a tie. We love both of these beautiful guys. They are both so wounded in so many different ways and while Jason's dumb but hot ways really appeal to us, Jasper is a tough guy who's a true sweetheart. Don't make us pick.

Overall Best Bite: After our tallying, the winner in our book seems to be True Blood. Doesn't mean that we don't still love Twilight in its own sweet way. But we kinda like our vampire tales to be a grimey, smuttier and dirtier breed than the nice, normal family values that Twilight has to offer up.

Agree or disagree? Let us know below.

And check out our guide to dating, Edward Cullen style. And our True Blood recaps if you want to get caught up before the finale.




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