The Telefile
The Most Heinous Person on Reality TV This Week

Before we get to the negativity of this week, we'd like to take one minute to give a shout out to Extreme Weight Loss's Cassandra for exuding so much positivity and to Julie Chen for giving Aaryn a little taste of what she's in for once she leaves the Big Brother jury house. Now back to your regularly scheduled obnoxiousness.

Person to Most Likely Ruin Your Data Plan: Brooks (Real Housewives of Orange County)
He's not the worst this week, solely because we didn't get to hear the 45-minute voicemail message where he allegedly told Briana's husband that he should beat his wife into submission (and Vicki hadn't listened to it, so she couldn't verify) or see the text messages where he called Vicki ugly, but let's just say if there's even an ounce of truth to this, we hope he's gone for good.

Most Needless Over/Undershare: Robin (Sister Wives)
We had to listen to about 20 minutes of Robin talking about losing her virginity to the wrong person -- at least we think that's what she was talking about, as her tedious metaphor about her purity (which was delivered in front of a room full of kids of all ages) was really baffling. Also, we understand it's their faith and all, but it is weird to hear a woman who married someone who has sex with three other wives on a regular basis talk about how she wished she'd saved herself for her second husband.

Most Irritating Party: Eat Drink Love
Yeah, we're putting an event on the list because every single person that attended this grown-up show and tell with mounted animals and crochet dresses was truly just obnoxious. Please, lose our invitation to the next one in the mail.

We're Not Sure What He Is, But We're Positive We Hate Him: "Jess"/Justin (Catfish)
This guy fancies himself some sort of cheating heart vigilante, where he poses as a hot girl on the internet in order to take down men who are thinking about screwing around on their significant others… but sometimes he also just poses as a woman to screw with single guys too? And his girlfriend (who wisely refused to be shown on camera) is somehow okay with his bizarre mission statement?

Mother We're Tired of Putting on This List: Kelly (Dance Moms)
She came back, bitched about Abby not being around, bitched that Abby had hired a special choreographer specifically to work with her daughters since Kelly seems to think that Abby is the issue here… and then took Brooke out of rehearsal so she could go pimp her new album. When Paige fumbled through a routine, Kelly blamed Abby… even though a separate choreographer did the routine. Then she told all of the young dancers that they were crazy for staying with their teacher.

Most Belligerent Drunk of the Week: Camila (The Challenge)
She got it in her head to defend Jemmye in a fight with Knight (even though she really didn't need to) and then for some reason started ranting and raving and trying to assault her ex-boyfriend Johnny. We're still not sure what provoked her, but she definitely flew off the handle. Must be that Thai booze.

Hands Down Worst Person of the Week: Amanda (Big Brother)
She might have been employing a strategy to save her deteriorating 3 AM alliance, but the way she tore into GinaMarie and then Elissa was simply uncalled for. Even alum Dan, who staged his own FUNERAL on this show, thought she went below the belt. Her comments were just abhorrent, especially when paired with her constant crying and bullying. She's turned into a real monster in the past 70 days.

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