The Telefile
The Most Heinous Person on Reality TV of the Week

Most awesome person of the week on reality TV easily goes to Harry Connick, Jr. who nearly single-handedly renewed our interest in American Idol with his charming antics and musical knowledge. You're a wizard, Harry. The rest of reality TV was filled with despicable morons, like usual.

Person Who Kept Beating a Dead Horse: Kim (Real Housewives of Beverly Hills)
It seemed like Kim was just desperate to have some kind of storyline, but sometimes she forgets what she's said before, so she comes off hypocritical and confused. We almost want to feel bad for her when people like Ken go on the attack over her nonsensical ways, but she makes it really difficult when she just keeps repeating things over and over again. She had a party for her daughter's high school graduation, Lisa RSVP'd that she and Ken were supposed to be out of town and sent a gift but then Kim got wind of the fact that Lisa was around and just badgered her into admitting that she'd gotten back to town early. She said that if Lisa didn't want to come, she could have just said no. But Lisa did say no. And sent a present. She got back from her trip early and went to the place she owns, for business purposes. What's the problem here?

Person Who Needs to Learn How to Treat Women: Mike (Shahs of Sunset)
Mike decided to take it upon himself to tell MJ, a woman he isn't even dating and is barely friends with, that she didn't need the chocolate croissant at Starbucks. Who died and made him boss of anyone's dietary habits? He isn't her trainer. Even if he was telling his girlfriend, it would be gross and wrong, but at least we'd understand how he felt he maybe had any sort of say. With MJ, it's just a jerk being a jerk.

Worst BFF of the Week: Courtney (Courtney Loves Dallas)
It's her best friend's 30th birthday (a fairly big milestone as these things go) and she makes the poor girl go with her to go get Botox, and also makes Tori get injections, too. Sort of a slap in the face, and implying that Tori looks old. Clearly, Courtney is more concerned about her just-for-fun photo shoot than planning the party she's supposed to. Then she made Tori spend her actual birthday sitting around watching Courtney do the aforementioned photo shoot. And then she got mad when her friend said that Courtney is the one being selfish (head's up: she is). To top it all off, Courtney insulted her friend for not wearing any makeup. Happy Birthday!

Drunk Idiot of the Week: Cory (Real World: EX-plosion)
We see that after he made out with Ashley in the cab, drunkenly, he got home and then moved on to Jenny and had sex… in the shared confessional room. Now, he didn't mention to Jenny that he'd hooked up with another roommate earlier, and the details are fuzzy on Ashley's part, but still, cameras and witnesses all saw something go down. Then later, he and Jenny had sex in the middle of the shared shower stall, and that was either before or after he got controlling about her dancing with another woman and yelled at her to not to bring anyone else home. Then he got in a street brawl with a stranger about… who knows. He got home and started just throwing glass around (and had to be tackled so he wouldn't continue attacking someone and getting arrested) and maybe broke up with Jenny. The details were weirdly cut, but clearly Cory was in the wrong.

Most Selfish Parenting of the Week: Some of the Moms (Dance Moms)
Payton got injured shortly before the competition, and instead of being sympathetic, most of the mothers were more concerned about how this would affect their child's performance. But the real kicker was when the EMTs came in to take Payton away, and definitely Kelly (and perhaps Jill or Christi… it was hard to tell with all the chaos and the crying teenager in the front) started screeching at the EMTs about how attractive they were and how they wanted to fake an injury to go with them. Like they were at a Chippendales show and not sitting at a children's dance competition with a young woman who is in actual pain and needed medical attention.

Biggest Baby of the Week: Nicholas (Top Chef)
Did you all ever see that movie Better Off Dead where that paperboy constantly gripes about wanting his two dollars? That's all we could think of when Nicholas was complaining about his three pots, and how nobody could touch his three pots, or move his three pots… even if they were in the way. Then he tried to blame someone else for altering his oven temperature, but was wise enough not to point fingers as everyone already hates him for his direct hand in Stephanie's ouster. Then he whined to the judges about all his kitchen problems. Oh, just shut up already. Clearly Tom Colicchio hates your guts, so suck it up.

Worst Person of the Week: Jack (Millionaire Matchmaker)
This gentleman in his late 50s wanted to find a girlfriend, but after watching all the interviews, was only interested in Patti's 29-year-old assistant. Even after Patti explained that she'd just put the assistant in the mix as a decoy (and she lied about her likes and stuff to bait him) to see if he was serious. So she found a hot woman for him to go out with instead. And then he spent most of the date talking about dead cats that he finds (since he's a fireman). He awkwardly watched her get into the hot tub in a bikini, while he hovered over her like a lecherous old perv, and asked her on another date. When she politely said she didn't think they were a good fit, he insulted her repeatedly, saying that he didn't pick her and wasn't attracted to her (so why ask her out?) and only took her out because Patti wouldn't let him date the hot twentysomething. But the real knee-slapper was when Patti asked him what was wrong with his date, and he said she kept talking about her cat (which he brought up) and he said he was only interested in a different kind of cat… if we knew what he meant. We did. And we might go throw up now.




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