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Today's TWOP News: March 27, 2009

by Rebecca Bellotto March 27, 2009 3:12 pm
Today's TWOP News: March 27, 2009

TGIF, TV fans! Not too much to report today, except that Dancing with Stars is without question the most dangerous show on television. Seriously, does a day go by that we don't have to update you some horrible-sounding injury or almost-tragedy befalling one of the contestants? If I were a fake celebrity and ABC asked me to be on that show, I would 1.) try to figure out who in my life wanted me dead and 2.) move to Antarctica, where the only stars that dance are actually in the sky during the aurora australis. It would be cold, but my Achilles tendons would be safer than they've ever been.

Time for the first cancellation of the mid-season replacements: The Chopping Block has been chopped by NBC. Want to know why? Because no one who is not Gordon Ramsay can get away with acting like Gordon Ramsay. This is just a fact.

FOX has announced its summer premiere schedule, and it's starting super-early, with the return of So You Think You Can Dance on Thursday, May 21. Plus, another round of Hell's Kitchen is set to debut on Tuesday, July 21, despite the fact that the current season ends May 14. Thus doubly making the lesson for the day that broadcast TV needs restaurant competitions with Gordon Ramsay, and only Gordon Ramsay, and lots of them.

Added to the list of Dancing with the Stars "stars" who have sustained injury or been almost kidnapped is Holly Madison, who has some sort of "rib pain." But it's not a broken rib. Is it possible to fracture a rib? Probably. But whatever the problem, it's not enough to make the former closest-thing-to-a-Mrs.-Hefner-there-will-ever-be-again stop dancing, no sir.

Hey look, Billy Mays is getting a TV series! You know, that preternaturally loud gentleman who extols the virtues of OxyClean/Big City Sliders/Hercules Hook/Zorbees/Mighty Putty/Steam Buddy... oh my God, it never really occurred to me how many infomercials this guy has been in. Wow.

So it seems that Lindsay Lohan somehow was in another movie, which surprised me, because I thought we were done with her pretending to be an actress. But, her new movie will be debuting on ABC Family, not in, you know, a movie theater, so maybe we're still done after all.

Matthew Perry is a huge fan of Lost! In fact, he's dying to be on the show, but wisely points out that it would never work because, as he says, "people would be like, 'What's Chandler doing on the island?'" Which is totally true, but it's also kind of sad that he's given up trying to get people to see him as anyone besides the lovable Mr. Bing. Don't worry Matthew, we'll always be there for you.

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