The Telefile

TWoP 10 Best Reality TV Smackdowns

by Angel Cohn August 8, 2008 8:00 am
TWoP 10 Best Reality TV Smackdowns Realizing that not everyone is a Big Brother junkie like moi, there was a massive verbal battle this week that went from a discussion to getting nearly everyone in the house in a senseless screaming match. It is way beyond convoluted to explain (though M.Giant did a good job attempting to) but it got us thinking about how reality shows are really at their best when people just let their freak flags fly and start swearing or punching. Honestly, we could fill this whole list with stupid stuff that had happened on Big Brother or A Shot at Love but I'm trying hard to give you a little bit of variety here. I'm told that's the spice of life. With that, here are some of the most disgusting or ridiculous squabbles ever to grace the small screen. Though I'm sure this list will be outdated by tomorrow.

1. Spit Take
The classiest show on TV certainly deserves this top spot. Hell, it even earned New York a spinoff series. On Flavor of Love, New York knows that there's no physical contact allowed, but that doesn't stop her from practically goading Pumkin to punch her. Instead Pumkin reacts by spitting on her (a big ol' lugey), and then a crazy knock-down-drag-out-call-in-the-security-guards-catfight ensues. This mature behavior continued into the reunion with more hair pulling and trash talking and, of course, security guards.

2. Packing a Punch
Everyone deserves a shot at love, right? Even if they are a rageoholic? Well I can't remember why exactly Chad started fighting Bo in the first place (I tend to block most of Tila Tequila out after my cleansing showers) but I distinctly remember the fist that Chad put in Bo's chin that caused a bunch of bleeding and Chad's eviction from the house. Chad practically reared back to get some extra power for that one. I'm sure both of them deserved exactly whatever they got for going on this show in the first place. Also a close second in ridiculousness on this show was when Vanessa attacked Brandi. I love those unpredictable sneak attacks!

3. Mind If I Smoke
Sure someone pulled a knife on someone else on Big Brother, but that wasn't as entertaining as the ridiculous Jen getting in a fight with Evel Dick (seriously if his name says Evel you should surely not provoke him) and basically trashed his ciggy stash. This didn't play well and Jen ended up getting burned (well at least a little bit) when he hit her hand with a lit cigarette during one of their heated arguments. Oh, how I miss Evel Dick. I wish he'd come back and stir up some more trouble.

4. It's Time to Stop Being Polite and Start Getting Real
Reunions just really bring out the best in people, there's the tears, the hugging, the name calling, the catfights. Good times. Rock of Love is no exception. And Season 1 runner up Heather (who is the most fabulous thing ever) and Season 2 runner up Daisy (who looks like a muppet) got into a heated swinging showdown because Heather said that the girls on Season 2 were all so fake. Hey, Daisy paid for that hair and those boobs, so uncalled for, yet so entertaining to watch.

5. Don't Mess With the Juice
No list of reality show fights would be complete without a moment from The Bad Girls Club, and the loudest of those bad girls is Tanisha. She made the term "Pop Off" a household phrase. The mistress of sass started screaming at her housemates after their pranks when one step to far. No one messes with Tanisha's juice. You hear me? Her bad attitude even landed her in jail. Not that the other bitches in the house cared -- maybe Tanisha was right to pop off on them.

6. All's Fairplay In Love and War
Everyone talks about the disgusting Jonny Fairplay's stupid "brawl" with Danny Bonaduce on the Fox Reality Awards, or how the idiot lied about his grandma but people seem to forget how he literally stirred up some shit on Kill Reality. During a prank/fight with the entire house of former reality contestants he got angry and took a dump (on purpose) on the bed of Trish from The Bachelor. Let's just say that Reality wasn't the only thing that the houseguests wanted to kill.

7. What's Cooking?
I love when a stupid discussion barrels out of control and then turns into a verbal sparring match and then everyone feels the need to jump in and defend someone or scream about unrelated stuff. On Top Chef last season Spike and Antonia bicker about soup, then Jen gets upset because her girlfriend went home and then Lisa hops all over Dale's case for no really good reason except that she seems like a generally angry person who maybe just likes to get in the last word. And this is supposed to be one of those classy reality shows.

8. Going Balls Out
Some contestants clearly don't understand that on Hell's Kitchen, it is Gordon Ramsay who is in charge of all the screaming. Melissa from Season 3 was just one such contestant, who charmingly told her female teammate to grow a set of balls. That's before she went off on Rock and the on Ramsay himself. Of course Ramsay is always quick with the profanity filled comeback and said she'd turned into a "right little bitch." Oh Gordon, he's got such a way with words.

9. The Slap Bet
Long ago before The Real World became all about slutty roommates hooking up all of the time and hot tubs, there was the innocence of the battle between Irene and Stephen on the Seattle edition. When Irene casually tells Stephen that he's gay, he takes her stuffed animal tosses it into the water and then goes after her departing car, stops it and just smacks her in the face. Fabulously shocking at the time. Now just hysterically funny to watch.

10. I Don't Give a Rat's Ass
So vicious Kelly was too dumbstruck to retaliate, Sue Hawk's infamous "rat/snake" speech on the first season of Survivor were fighting words if we ever heard them. "If I was ever to pass you along in life again and you were laying there, dying of thirst, I wouldn't not give you a drink of water. I would let the vultures take you and do whatever they want with ya." Awesome. Now if only Kelly Wigglesworth had launched across the firepit at her, this would be way higher on our list.

Bonus: Been Around the World
It's really hard hard to pin point the best fights or even the couple of best fights on The Amazing Race since most of them brew as they travel through countries and piss each other off. Our favorite bitter pairs though were Season 6's Jonathan and Victoria (he basically bullied her through their entire globetrotting adventure and even kind of shoved her at one point) and Season 12's Nate and Jen who battled and finally melted down on her birthday. Ah, the couples that play together get Philiminated together.




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