The Telefile

TWoP 10: Luckiest Characters on TV

by Angel Cohn March 11, 2011 10:45 am
TWoP 10: Luckiest Characters on TV

In the spirit of the upcoming St. Patrick's Day, we got to thinking about some of the characters on television who seem to have all of the luck. In some of these cases, we're baffled by just how these people keep having wonderful things to happen to them. Maybe they have the luck of the Irish, have a leprechaun hidden in their closet or have sold their souls to the Devil... Yes, maybe we're just a touch jealous, too.

10. Tommy (Off the Map)
How has Plastics not gotten beaten up and left for dead in the middle of the jungle yet? He's kind of a slacker, has hooked up with a string of sexy tourists, dabbled in a relationship with a cute local whose father was not altogether pleased about it and then cheated on said local with his best friend/co-worker in the middle of his boss's medicinal herb garden. He also escaped a helicopter explosion and a run-in with a local medicine man. He should thank his lucky stars.

9. Jim (The Office)
He might be moderately better at selling things than Andy, but he appears to spend most of his time wandering around the office pranking Dwight and looking bored in meetings. He didn't make it as a manager, but is still gainfully employed. He gets to work with his wife, who was also terrible at her job and now does next to nothing in her new position. The job security he enjoys is rather amazing, as is the fact that he fell for an engaged girl and then just magically ended up married to her. What a charmed life.

8. The Situation (Jersey Shore, etc.)
This cartoon character of a man apparently makes millions of dollars a year by hanging out, going to clubs, drinking and showing off his stomach. He's basically only on JS to stir up occasional trouble and play ridiculously lame pranks, he's turned his abdominal muscles into a major brand in a little over a year and he's landed commercials, Dancing With the Stars gigs and a slot at the Donald Trump roast. We fully expect him to be on the next season of Celebrity Apprentice.

7. Brittany (Glee)
The lovely Ms. Pierce isn't exactly the brightest bulb on the planet, and yet she's somehow continued to find her way to school on a regular basis and get promoted from grade to grade without learning a single thing. She's in the glee club, though mostly for her dancing ability. She's made out (and more) with her entire school without catching any sort of STD (impressive), has a decent boyfriend (Artie) and has the incredibly hot and awesome Santana under her spell. And she didn't end up getting shot out of a cannon. Banner year!

6. Bailey (Grey's Anatomy)
Yes, Bailey went through a rough patch, but man, she's on an upswing now. The single mom has gone from one sexy piece of work (we're still swooning over her hot anesthesiologist) to another (dreamy male nurse), and is hooking up in the on-call room like an intern. She also talks back to her boss and everyone else on staff with little to no repercussions. And she disobeys direct orders about tweeting. Some might call it insubordination, but at Seattle Grace, she's applauded.

5. Boston Rob (Survivor)
Rob is nothing if not a great actor, a skill he's honed by competing on Survivor four times. He's mastered being a nice guy while stabbing people in the back. He keeps getting called (mostly by CBS) to reality television, which appears to be the only job he excels at. He's never won any of the games he's played (neither Survivor nor The Amazing Race) but married a girl who did, got a free TV wedding out of the deal and gets lauded as a great player. He's currently the member of a tribe dumb enough not to target him even though he's clearly manipulating them, and as an added bonus, his biggest rival just got eliminated from the game.

4. Morgan (Chuck)
His best friend is a secret agent and he somehow gets to help on top-secret missions too, even though he has no actual agent skills and/or training? We doubt he could solve that Alias/Fringe puzzle. He went from a retail job to spy work without much trouble, and has been involved with a string of lovely women who seem a bit above his station. He didn't get killed by Casey when he started dating his daughter, which is even more impressive since Casey can be terrifying. And he's got a sweet gig running a Buy More that is mostly just a government front. Not bad for a guy who has few discernible life skills.

3. Elena (Vampire Diaries)
Ancient vampires want to sacrifice her, but whatever, she's under the protection of her witch friend, her vamp BFF, her doppelganger and not one, but both of the highly attractive Salvatore brothers. And she's got an aunt who lets her get away with anything, including school-night sleepovers at her boyfriend Stefan's house and weekends away with him. And she's got his bro Damon wrapped around her little fingers, as well. If it weren't for the shadow of death hovering around her, she'd be the luckiest girl in the world.

2. Chris Harrison (The Bachelor)
His hosting persona has got to be a character, right? He should be extremely grateful that he found the one job that his personality is good for and that, no matter how awful or boring or inept he is, he'll probably never get fired from. We've got a feeling that this show is going to outlive us all, and Harrison will be helming it until the bitter end from a cryogenic chamber, asking girls about their feelings and telling them to stop being bitchy. Doesn't he know why we love this show?

1. Rufus (Gossip Girl)
Oh, to be Rufus Humphrey. A former rock star living in a ginormous loft in the middle of Brooklyn while running an art gallery, who then rekindled his romance with his old sweetheart and got to marry her after her husband conveniently kicked the bucket and left her scads of cash. Now he's living the life of a lady of leisure on the Upper East Side, hanging out, getting mani-pedis and ignoring his children and stepchildren, except when he occasionally remembers he's a father. His only responsibility appears to be making waffles in moments of crisis. It's a pretty sweet life.

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