The Telefile

TWoP 10: TV Couples We Just Don't Buy

by Michael Bailey November 4, 2011 6:14 am
TWoP 10: TV Couples We Just Don't Buy

The sweeping fairytale romance between Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries officially ended last Monday, and we're heartbroken because it seemed like they were in it for the long haul. We're kidding, of course -- like most sane onlookers, we assumed the two were in a sham relationship orchestrated to generate media coverage and further her fame. But as cacophonous as the frenzy over their nuptials (and now split) was, we thought we could at least escape it by losing ourselves in our favorite scripted shows -- except for the fact that TV is filled with its share of equally unbelievable pairings. Here are the ones we really can't believe in:

10. Van Alden & Lucy (Boardwalk Empire)
He's a staunch and righteous man who self-flagellates for thinking improper thoughts about a woman, but yet he hooks up with a known floozy and gets her knocked up? Even if he thought he was going to get a baby for his wife at the end of it, something there doesn't quite feel right. We buy that Lucy could be into a man with any power, but he doesn't seem to suffer whining, so how did he not ship his mistress off somewhere to have that kid instead of dealing with her voice for nine months?

9. Declan & Charlotte (Revenge)
They're edgy teens in the Hamptons, but from opposite sides of the tracks, so TV bylaws mandate that they be together... regardless of the fact that they are the most mismatched pairing this show could conceive of and the one really flawed part of an otherwise great drama.

9. Teddy & Henry (Grey's Anatomy)
This couple seems to be together solely because circumstances forced them to be that way. He can't date because he's always ill and in the hospital, so they got married because he needed insurance and then they magically fell in love. But it's all just too convenient. And if he dies and there is Dead Henry ghost sex, we are done.

7. Blair & Prince Louis (Gossip Girl)
She initially dismissed him because she believed he was poor, and he breaks up with her on a near weekly basis because he has trust issues. Clearly, things between them have never been exactly what you'd consider smooth sailing. To say they are getting married for publicity seems unnecessarily cruel, but we'd be shocked if these two ever tie the knot, or if they last longer than 72 days... still, imagine the tabloid headlines they'll create either way.

6. James & Elisabeth (Terra Nova)
He's a tough detective, she's a brilliant doctor, they have too many children (at least by their society's rules) and they couldn't be more disinterested in each other when they are together. It's like they'd probably take a nap instead of having sex... or maybe it's just us who wants to take a nap when we think about the two of them.

5. Whitney & Alex (Whitney)
Are these two only together because no one else could like them? Or is it because of their shared obsession with role-playing? Or maybe it's because they are just too lazy to find someone else, because neither of them seems all that interested in trying to impress the opposite sex... or anyone, really.

4. Lori and Rick (The Walking Dead)
We've seen her have an affair with someone else, and it seemed like they were on the brink of implosion before the whole zombie apocalypse happened. However, what we really question is how they ever got together in the first place. There isn't a single spark to be found anywhere near either of them.

3. Kurt & Blaine (Glee)
They appear to be together solely because they are the only gay young men on the show (sans the still closeted and MIA Karofsky). Blaine seems smart and clever and we can't figure out why he'd leave (or why his family would let him leave) his fancy prep school to go to school with his high school boyfriend -- especially when he could have had his pick of handsome fellas in blazers. Not that Kurt isn't adorable, but he's just a little high-strung and seems like more than a little bit of a handful (not to mention that being second banana to Rachel Berry after you were the featured soloist for the Warblers seems like a step down, but that's another story). Much as we want to applaud the show for spotlighting a gay couple, it would've been nice if it was one that exuded a modicum of chemistry. Or do they not teach that class at McKinley?

2. Nora and Barney (How I Met Your Mother)
We can't see this one working out in the long run, mainly because Barney's pretending to be someone he's not in order to be with her. She doesn't seem to get him and wasn't even around to see him do his ridiculous Apollo Creed entrance on Halloween. She's only near him when he's on his best behavior and doesn't really mesh with his all-important friends. And what is Barney gaining from this relationship, aside from a woman who can tolerate his duck tie? Is he interested in Nora solely because she didn't fall for one of his schemes? If so, there are probably a lot of other, better, people who fit that bill.

1. Chuck and Sarah (Chuck)
We know the shippers out there will disagree, but these two don't make any sense together. No, not on account of how she's insanely hot and he's a nerd (because now he's a sexy spy, too), but because they don't seem compatible at all aside from their shared occupation. She's against conventional institutions like marriage, while he's so into old-fashioned romance. And they seem to spend more time hiding things from each other than actually talking. Plus, let's be honest, doesn't Chuck seem to have more chemistry with pretty much anyone else on the show (including Casey and Morgan) than he does with Sarah?

Think you've got game? Prove it! Check out Games Without Pity, our new area featuring trivia, puzzle, card, strategy, action and word games -- all free to play and guaranteed to help pass the time until your next show starts.

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