The Telefile

TWoP 10: Ways We’d Like to See House End

by Angel Cohn February 10, 2012 6:02 am
TWoP 10: Ways We’d Like to See <I>House</I> End

Fox recently announced that after eight long seasons, House will be coming to an end this May. We're thrilled, though probably not as thrilled as Hugh Laurie, but very happy none the less. While it is far too late for the show to go out on a high note, it can at least go out in an interesting, or at least totally ridiculous and entertaining, way. Here are our suggestions, largely inspired from other, better programs.

10. Wake Up
House falls asleep on a hospital bed and wakes up next to his roommate -- Stephen Fry.

9. House Is 15 Again
If Fox decides they want to keep this franchise alive, just have Hugh Laurie undergo some Freaky Friday thing where he turns into a Doogie Howser-like version of himself. A show about a cranky 15-year-old with a cane and an addiction to Gummi bears would be far more watchable.

8. Princeton-Plainsboro Is Purgatory
We didn't like it when Lost went with the whole everyone's-dead reveal, but given the hell we've been put through with House the last few years, finding out that the docs are just stuck in limbo until they complete their requisite clinic hours would actually make a lot of sense.

7. Zombie Apocalypse
Zombies attack the hospital and everyone has to fight to the death, leaving the ending totally open to interpretation. But one thing must be unambiguous: Taub dies a painful and visceral death.

6. It's All a Dream
We hear the tinkling of some piano keys as House doses off, then we pull back to reveal that the entire thing has been taking place as the hallucination of a long-comatose child patient whose hospital room TV was tuned to daytime soap operas for the last several years.

5. Everyone Goes to Jail
On Seinfeld, it didn't make sense, but here, at least each character is guilty of some legitimate crimes. House has numerous felonies on his list, Wilson has some aiding and abetting charges, Chase killed that guy and everyone has done some breaking and entering into patients' houses. In the end, they all get locked in the slammer together.

4. Cuddy's Triumphant Return
We would love to see her make an appearance at the very end, just in time to come out of nowhere and run House down in the middle of his living room with her car.

3. Fade to Black
Security sucks at PPTH, so it would be no surprise when House and Wilson are hanging in the cafeteria (with House stealing Wilson's food) and a former patient who was misdiagnosed returns with a gun to shoot down House. But before anything actually happens, we suddenly cut to black as the Rolling Stones' "You Can't Always Get What You Want" plays over the credits. Only question; does the PPTH caf serve onion rings?

2. A Helicopter Lands on House
Never underestimate the dramatic power of a helicopter unexpectedly falling out of the sky and crushing House like he's the Wicked Witch of New Jersey.

1. Everyone Gets Lupus
It's never lupus (or very rarely lupus) -- until the finale. The entire staff could end up infected, but they don't diagnosis the disease in time to save themselves.

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